jackxwill - pirates of the caribbean slash

Title: The Misadventures of the Dynamic Duo: Being a Glimpse Into the Lives of Captain Jack Sparrow and William Turner the II
Author: Blue Buick R (blue_buick_r@hotmail.com)
Pairing: J/W
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Like the title says.
Make up fic for: Mems
Requests: Strong!Jack and Will (no wimpy anyone) having a fun
piratey adventure on the high seas. Should mention them working
as a unit, like at the end of the film.
Restrictions: No death or non-con, anything else ok!~~~Author Notes: Okay I tried, I really, really did but this thing just kinda went weird on me. I don’t think I filled out the request that well since it took on a life of its own. I *do* have Jack and Will not being wimpy, they *are* having fun in some instances but I think I missed the boat so to speak on the high seas part (they are being piratey though), and they *are* definitely working together in all instances (although there is quite a bit of bitching going on, I couldn’t seem to get around that. Anyway, yeah, so weird and stuff…just…read. Warnings: Some het, some slight mention of cannibalism although only in jest and well I think that’s it.



Swallow Don’t Spit

Instinctively ducking as another shot was fired in their direction William Turner accidentally stumbled, tumbling to the stone littered ground and dragging down his partner in crime, one Captain Jack Sparrow, into the dust as well. Pebbles dug into his hip and arm, scraping off another layer of skin. This was not the first time they found themselves on the ground this day.

“Damn it all Will, watch what yer doin’!” Jack spat and he twisted about attempting to haul himself up and off the man sprawled underneath him, eyes flitting to the path behind him to see how much ground their pursuers had gained.

“Ouch, Jesus Jack, wait a moment for me to get straightened out here!” Will snarled back, trying to disentangle himself without ripping his arm out of its socket.

“You may not have noticed but we don’t really have a moment,” Jack drawled, tiring of then entire exercise and leaping unceremoniously to his feet, yanking Will up in the process.

Will’s shoulder strained and he felt a distinctly uncomforting twinge but his joints appeared to have survived the maneuver. Trying to gain his feet and prevent Jack from literally dragging him along he staggered in an attempt to keep pace.

“Yes well none of this would have happened if you’d listened to me and not attempted to shoot this thing off. Not only did it alert out friends back there but the ricochet almost took me in the head!” Will pointed out finally matching stride with his companion and quickening their pace considerably.

“I thought it would work. It seemed like a good idea at the time,” Jack sounded unapologetic. “Besides your ear’s not bleedin’ anymore, so stop complaining.”

“I was a blacksmith, Jack, I think you should take my word for it when I tell you the shot used in our pistols isn’t even close to being hard enough to break through solid iron, even at point blank range.” He shook his head. “I don’t know where you got the idea into your head that it would get this off.” And with that he raised his right hand and waved it about, Jack’s left arm rising as well, flopping in rhythm as the shackles linking them together pulled his appendage about like a marionette.

“Stop that!” Jack hissed, jerking his arm down hard enough to chafe both their wrists. “Need I remind *you* that we wouldn’t be in a predicament which would force me to think that shooting at shackles would get them off if you hadn’t cocked up the heist!”

Will looked confused for a moment before his face cleared and he could reply.

“Well I’m sorry but there was no way in hell I was going to swallow those stupid rubies,” he huffed.

“It’s a time honored and well proven method of getting items in and out of places undetected!” Jack exclaimed. “I pried enough gems off that tiara to keep us all comfortable for a good long while, but even I can only handle so many rubies before the piping starts to plug up.”

“If I recall you left the big one for me!” Will pointed out.

“I was being generous,” Jack tried to sound hurt. “Was going to let you keep it.”

Will snorted but said nothing more.

Just then the sound of baying dogs could be heard somewhere behind them.

“Oh hell, they’ve got hounds,” Will said as he cast a quick look behind him and saw the dogs barreling down the path. “They’re going to tear us apart.”

“No worries,” Jack stated as he skidded to a halt, bringing Will up short before the lad ran straight off the edge of the cliff which suddenly appeared before them. “Dog’s can’t swim.”

Looking down at the crashing surf below, Will swallowed hard.

“The Pearl’s a long ways out,” he reminded his companion.

“Just remember to count, free arm on one, shackled on two,” Jack instructed as he steeled himself. “Got it?”

“Got it,” Will nodded once throwing Jack and beatific smile.

Returning the grin Jack took a deep breath and as the snarling dogs broke through the brush he and Will leapt off the edge of the cliff, side by side, to the waters below.



A Bird in the Hand is Worth Two in the Bush

It really was an amazing sight. The girl squirmed on the bed, her petticoats hiked up around her slim waist for expediencies sake, the voluminous ruffles and folds hiding the point where their pistoning hips were joined in the most erotically teasing manner. Thankfully her crumpled skirts did nothing to conceal the wonderfully taut buttocks from view, the tense muscles clenching and unclenching quite charmingly.

Jack sat further back on the headboard, shifting his legs slightly so the girls head, as she threw it back in ecstasy, rubbed him just the right way. Keeping hold of her hands as if anchoring her to the ground, he kept watch on her rapt face, seeing her eyes clenched tightly shut. Dragging his gaze upward he saw the reason; Will’s disheveled head was bent over her chest, the laces on her gown long since loosed, her breasts spilling out. One peaked nipple was being worried between pearl white teeth, the other receiving a quick pinch every now and then on an irregular, and most likely maddening, cycle.

There was a choked off gasp from the girl’s paint smeared lips and Jack got ready, noticing the change in pace to the golden head knocking into the hardness between his own legs.

“Hold on to me hands girl, nice and tight,” he instructed the lass, watching as she shimmied her legs further up Will’s hips, opening herself that much more. She struggled to open her eyes and peered up at Jack, nodding her head in understanding, eyes slightly glazed.

When moments later the girl let out a high pitched shout her hands clutching convulsively in Jack’s own, the pirate quickly and carefully slipped the enormous emerald and diamond ring off her middle finger with economic and practiced flicks of his own digits. A few more wild thrust from Will which jolted the girl about quite thoroughly, and kept her wonderfully distracted, and the young man spilled himself with a long exhalation of hot humid breath.

After a minute of panting breaths and slowing pulses Will rolled off the young woman, collapsing exhausted beside her. The girl straightened out her legs with a wince, then twisted her head about to look up at Jack.

“What about yourself, Mister Johnston?” she asked sweetly.

“Oh, I’m sure you’re much too tired, young lady,” he replied. “Besides I’m quite satisfied with what I got out of the arrangement, thank you.”

“Oh, I wasn’t talking about myself, my cousin Greta is visiting, I’m sure she would love to make your…acquaintance,” she said that last word with a sly smile and a heated sideward glace in Will’s direction.

“Well then let me meet this fine young filly,” Jack enthused, quite pleased with the chance to satisfy more than one hunger this night.

“Greta, Greta dear do come in,” the girl called.

A second or two later the door to the room opened and Jack realized the woman must have been standing out there listening the whole time. Littler degenerate.

What walked in turned Jack’s recently heated blood to ice. Greta was a dead wringer for Gibbs, sideburns and all. She smiled over at Jack in what was meant to be a coquettish manner; the gaps in her teeth dampening the affect somewhat.

Captain Jack Sparrow Shuddered. William Turner snickered. And a sweet young girl winked up at him encouragingly.

With a Nice Chianti

The heat was blistering and all consuming. It was above him and below him, searing him from every possible angle. His skin burned as if millions of ants were feasting upon him; most likely those giant red ones found in the jungle which decimated herds of cattle and killed men in their sleep. His throat was bone dry and pained him when he swallowed. His head. His head throbbed. Hurt worse than that time Mr. Brown accidentally struck him in the head with a hammer when the tool slipped through alcohol numb fingers on an upswing. That was the last time Will stood anywhere near the man when he worked.

This, this might be the very last time Will did anything at all.

Jack had been gone for a while and Will was beginning to wonder if something had befallen him. Shifting his body in an attempt to ease the ache in his arms Will winced as his bare back came into contact with more fire hot sand, the grains searing into his skin like the pricks of a forge heated pin. He was going to die out here. Jack had done everything he could but with his own hands bound he could do very little to help Will.

While the pirate captain had been left free, although tied by the hands, Will had been staked out in the sun, his arms stretched out and bound to two trees, his legs which were tied together at the ankles receiving the same treatment; splayed out the way he was his body formed a large living Y under the hot Caribbean sun. The rope was thick and almost impossible to cut, even if there had been something to cut it with, and all the knots had been sealed with molten lead before their piratical rivals had quitted the island, leaving them to their own meager devices.

Lost in his most likely heat induced reverie Will jerked in surprise as a shadow fell over him, blocking out the sun for a blessed moment.

“Jack,” he croaked as he squinted up at the dark shape hovering over him.

The dark blob bent down closer over him, bound hands coming up to the thick tangle of black hair. A moment later tepid water rained down on Will, the liquid wrung out of saturated hair, Jack moving up and down Will’s stretched out form in an attempt to cool his entire body. When not a drop of water was left to be squeezed out the pirate kneeled down and brought his lips to Will’s in a parody of a kiss, the younger man instantly parting his own cracked lips to receive the disgustingly warm mouthful of water.

Swallowing once or twice despite the pain Will gasped. “Thank you.”

“I’m sorry, Will,” Jack sighed sadly. “The lagoon his so far away that me hair is practically dry by the time I get back here, and ‘tis almost impossible to keep a large mouthful of water in ones mouth for an extended period of time.”

“I understand,” Will murmured. “You’re doing the best you can.”

Even the small amount of fresh water Jack slopped over him was better than the large amount of sea water they’d originally tried. It wasn’t long before they realized the salt in the water dried into an painful crust which tightened on Will’s skin and nearly drove him mad, not to mention stiffening Jack’s hair to the point that its ability to absorb water on his next trip was greatly reduced.

“I see your shade has decided to take a walk,” Jack observed his head swaying back and forth as he leaned over to drag his still damp hair across Will’s chest and torso.

Will squeezed his eyes tightly shut, blocking out the sun. “It was a good idea, Jack,” he said, “but fifteen minutes after you left a gust of wind blew all the leaves off me. Even the big ones weren’t heavy enough to stay put.”

“Maybe we can burry you in sand next time,” Jack speculated, straightening to look down at Will.

“I’d bake!” Will exclaimed horrified. “We’d never get me under enough to make a difference.”

There was an uncomfortable silence as they both contemplated their situation.

“When the Pearl finds us we’re going to track down those gutless dogs and skin ‘em alive!” Jack finally declared.

“If the Pearl finds us,” Will pointed out.

“They will, eventually, I’ve no doubt about that.”

“Well that’s all well and good for you, you bastard!” Will almost shouted, tears he could not afford collecting at the corner of his eyes. “You can go and get some shade, drink cool water. I…I’ll be dead.”

“Enough of that!” Jack admonished sharply, tapping Will on the side of the face.

Letting out a gusty breath of air Will relaxed his tense muscles. “Sorry.”

Jack nodded.

“At least you can eat me if I die; I’ll be cooked well enough by then I’d wager,” Will attempted to joke

Jack wrinkled his nose and was about to smack the young man again when a flitting speck of movement caught his eye on the horizon. He grinned wildly.

“No problem, William,” he said. “Of course I’ll have to choose the proper wine; are Turner’s white meat or red?”

His Weight In Gold

“You know you really ought to check things out a bit more thoroughly before you commit,” Will huffed, glaring at the man across from him.

“How was I supposed to know the man was a three hundred pound lummox?” Jack wheezed.

“Oh I don’t know a bit of reconnoitering might have cleared things up a bit,” Will snapped. “Break,” he suddenly squeaked out as he dropped his load suddenly.

The massive tree trunk legs crashed to the ground, Jack nearly toppling over as the weight he was bearing increased ten fold. He shot a disgusted look Will’s way and let his arms slip from under the suffocating folds of fat under the man’s arms, not caring a wit as the large shoulders and pin head drop unceremoniously to the ground.

“A little warning next time,” he drawled, arching back to stretch strained muscles.

Wiping his sleeve across his sweaty brow Will looked up into the cloudless sky to gauge the position of the moon. He sighed.

“We’re never going to make it to longboat before daybreak,” he said. “And even if we did I’m not sure the thing won’t sink with this,” he gestured to the blob lying on the ground, “added to our own weight.”

“I’ll row you can bail,” Jack offered.

Will shook his head, “remind me again why we’re doing this?”

“Because this erm…fellow’s father is richer than Hades himself and will pay his weight in gold to get his precious heir back,” Jack explained.

Will eyed the body on the ground skeptically. “I’m not sure anyone is *that* rich.”

Jack followed Will’s gaze and his lips twitched. “Point taken. But still, it’ll be a fortunes worth.”

“No fortune is worth being crippled for life,” Will groused. “We should have left him and forgot about the whole thing.”

“Couldn’t, I’d already sent the ransom note and you’d already spiked his drink,” Jack pointed out.

“That’s another thing who sends a ransom note before they’ve secured the ransomed?”

“It’s called being proactive, Will,” Jack argued.

“Well next time you want to feel proactive you can be the bait; I’m tired of getting groped by the scum of the earth.”

Jack flashed a golden smile in the moonlight. “Oh come now, it wasn’t all that bad, he only pawed at you a little bit before passing out.”

Will tossed his hair behind his shoulder and bent to pick up the stout legs once again, the back of almost invisible knees draped over the crook of his elbows; Jack bobbed down to grasp his end as well.

“I wasn’t talking about him,” Will said sending a pointed look Jack’s way.

Baking up toward the shore the pirate’s outraged sputter infused Will with a new strength; he wanted his pound of flesh after all.

The Pits

It was exceedingly ridiculous, that was all there was to it. Only the two of them could find themselves in such a situation; them and only them could turn a nice bit of relaxation on shore into a life or death situation. Neither Jack alone and certainly not Will all by himself could stumble into such extreme and admittedly rather ludicrous circumstances. Only with the combined luck and effort of Sparrow and Turner could two men be in such a place at such a time. It really was quite a talent.

Almost the entire crew of the Pearl was ashore for some celebrating. Their last venture provided swag aplenty and it was time to reap the rewards so to speak. But before finding a port to spend it all the catch had to be divvied. As usual such proceedings were to be accompanied by drinks aplenty and the last of the sea turtles would be cracked open a roasted over a fire too large to safely burn on the Pearl.

All in all it would be a good couple of days, or would have been if Jack hadn’t caught sight of Jack. More specifically Jack Sparrow the pirate caught sight of Jack the devil monkey from hell! While lounging against a tall tree, shirt, shoes and pistols discarded to the side under the slumber inducing sun, movement out of the corner of his eye drew Jack’s attention. Turning his head he’d seen a disturbingly familiar furry shape scampering off into the foliage off the beach. Leaping to his feet he followed, intent on capturing the loathsome animal and having a little bit extra with his turtle on the eve. Of course Will, darling boy that his was, saw him hare off into the jungle and quickly chased after him, calling his name all the while.

Jack should never have underestimated his namesake. The very fact that the creature was christened with his moniker should have been warning enough that he was up to something sneaky. Just as Will caught up to him, Jack’s own attention still firmly fixed on the monkey scampering across the low branches of the trees just out of his reach, the two men found the forest floor suddenly yanked from under their feet.

They fell a good ten feet into the bottom of a large pit Jack breaking most of Will’s fall, garnering what he assumed, from the sound and the flare of pain, was a broken wrist for his efforts. Will quickly rolled off of him to flop onto his side his breath coming in quick winded gasps.

It took a moment for both the daze of the fall and the burning pain in his wrist to clear, but when it did Jack realized they were not in the pit alone. Hearing the distinct sound of heavy breathing besides that of Will, Jack peered into the shadowy recesses of the pit. There in the corners he could make out the distinct shape of two large tropical cats.

They were in some serious trouble. They being Will and himself, not the cats.

He’d carefully nudged Will as he slowly clambered to his knees. “Be very still, William,” he’d advised the lad. “We’ve got some company.”

“What?” Will asked turning his head to look in the direction Jack had fixed his stare, instantly catching sight of the cats. “Holy Christ,” he whispered.

Which brought them to their present predicament: Will and Jack back to back, the two battered and emaciated cats circling about them with desperate hunger in their eyes. Will had the long slip of ivory from Jack’s hair clutched in one hand, his other gripping behind him at Jack’s thigh, while the pirate captain held a fistful of sand from the floor of the pit, ready to throw it into one of the creatures’ eyes at a moments notice.

“This is that damn monkey’s fault,” Jack hissed never taking his eyes off the cat which paced closer to him. “He lured us here, I’d stake my life on it.”

“It was a monkey Jack,” Will said turning them a bit to keep the circling cats in sight.

“It wasn’t just any monkey, it was *the* monkey, Will.”

“How do you know?”

“It looked just like him.”

“It was the same *kind* of monkey, of course it looked just like him!”

Their raised voices seemed to snap the tension between them and the prowling felines for suddenly the one eyeing Jack leap toward him. The pirate was ready and flung his handful of grit right into the animals face, catching him right in the eyes and the gaping maw. The cat faltered giving Jack and Will the time to make their move. Jack rolled out of the way grabbing another handful of sand in the same motion, while Will spun around and stabbed forward with the splinter of ivory, sinking the make shift weapon in to the stunned animal’s throat. The cat yowled, legs faltering, blood gushing everywhere. It collapsed to the ground whimpering and bled out in a matter of moments.

While Will was dispatching the first cat the second had seen its chance and pounced at the young man’s vulnerable back. Jack had thrown the sand at the advancing beast as he rolled back to his feet but a bad jar to his wrist during the motion had caused a stab of pain and a miscalculation in aim. The dirt hit the animal’s ear but did nothing to stop its attack.

Before he knew what was happening Will was thrown the ground the weight of the enraged cat slamming into him. He could feel the hot breath at the back of his neck, sticky strings of saliva dropping onto skin which suddenly broke out into goose bumps. Realizing he had little choice if he wished to save Will’s life Jack launched himself at the cat grabbing the animal around the neck in a choke hold, ignoring the screaming in wrist.

When Will didn’t feel the stab of bone crushing teeth in his flesh he turned around to see Jack attempting the wrestle the determined beast off of him.

“A little help,” Jack gritted out between clenched teeth.

Looking frantically about him Will could not find the piece of ivory. Jack’s strength was waning and the desperate cat was beginning to break from his hold. If that happened they were both most likely finished.

Turning onto his back completely Will brought his hands up and thrust his fingers into the animals wild eyes as hard as he could. The cat reared back, snarling, the pain and sudden blindness distracting it enough to allow Jack the opportunity to jerk his arms to the side with all his might, efficiently braking the animal’s neck with an audible pop of vertebrae and bone.

Backing away a little unsteadily Jack let the animal slide to the ground in a heap sagging skin and fur, his face wry as he looked down at Will.

“You lost me slip of ivory, boy,” he said.

Will hauled himself to his feet, studiously ignoring the wobble in his legs.

“I’ll pull out one of their teeth for you,” Will offered as compensation. “As a souvenir.”

Jack laughed. “If only all our trips were so exciting.”

Will gave him a wry smile. If only.

The end

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